Say it Wade style: Rivuh Mahnstuhs.
This travel wrinkled, English mouthed angler adventurer, Jeremy Wade, badasses his way through the cloudy rivers of the world on Animal Planet’s “River Monsters,” and hooks and handles honest to goodness never-go-swimming-again freshwater monsters.
I’ve been fishing. I don’t really enjoy fishing. I’m far too impatient and I usually use a boating outing to catch up on a swell book or general glassy-eyed daydreaming, but this show fascinates the heck out of me. There are some River Monster episodes I’ve seen two or three times over, and each time I get all amazed and chilled out by Jeremy Wade and his hypnotically enthralling story telling and it turns me into couch goo.
Season four’s finale, “Lair of Giants” does what most other Giant Squid/Mermaid Found/Roswell Conspiracy/Bigfoot Is More Than A Hairy Redneck shows fail to do – it delivers. He does paddle battle with a cayman croc, camera cozies to an anaconda – and oh yeah – discovers a new species of air breathing, armor plated, stupidly sized, legendarily named fish: The Arapaima (Wade style: Air-uh-pai-muh).
Slack jawed in the cushioned comfort of my apartment, I yelped, “He caught some new species of giant fishy!”, like my cat would care. I invested two suspense filled hours (including the maddening commercial breaks) and was left gobsmacked and duly impressed by this legit adventure. Not even sure when the next season starts, but I’m hooked and can’t wait. In the meantime, if Jeremy Wade wants to start reading me bedtime stories with his crazy soothing Suffolk strains, I’m game.